Dear Jeff Goldblum,
I am in love with you. I always thought you were cool since I first saw you in Jurassic Park at the movie theater that one night. The night where my Mom was out of town and my Dad decided to do the cool Dad thing and make his special dinner--which was really just extra saucy spaghetti and meatballs: the way I like it, and take my brother and I out to a movie our Mom wouldn't want to see otherwise. The night where we waited in line for what seemed like eons on opening night because maybe at that time there was only one major movie theater on Guam. I saw you on the big screen for the first time and I knew then that you were something special.
I guess you were always a thought in the back of my mind ever since you captured me with your one-liners and quick wit that fated night. You had me at semi-tinted sunglasses and shitty pleather jacket. And so naturally I kept coming back for more.
But as I grew up, I admit, I kind of started to neglect you in all your awesomeness. There was a time where--I'm ashamed to say--my life was Goldblum-less. But alas, thanks to technology and the internet, my love for you has been fully refurbished. And in better condition than ever. (And I guess ironically at that since you time and time again have sold the message of how dangerous science/technology can be, I mean: "What you call discovery, I call the RAPE of the natural world.") I know that it is a faux pas and so not 'film major' of me to be watching your movies on a 13 inch screen with crap sound and at times waiting for my internet to do it's only major job: to work. But I hope you can forgive me.
All I wanted to say is, thank you. Thank you, Jeff Goldblum. For your washboard abs, what's on and in your head, and for following your dreams of becoming an actor. Because of you, I want to make movies to work with people just like you. In fact, I want to work with YOU. Let's face it. No one, and I mean no one, can do a better scene than you can when my only direction is "do it this time like Jeff Goldblum would do it". So here's to you. And my future prospects and dreams of getting to work with you. Not to mention speak or be in the same room as you. Look, I will convert to be a practicing Jew for you, Jeff Goldblum. This is serious.
But also a word of advice. I hope you don't fully start appearing in movies like The Switch just so major motion pictures can use your name to draw in people like me. It's a cruel joke and I don't appreciate it. Not that I didn't like that movie. I didn't even see that movie.. I'm just saying. I like you best when you are just being the charismatic, intelligent guy you are or shirtless. Or even displaying cheap prosthetics or rambling about flesh and plasma pools. You're so cute when you digress. And digress I have.
Yours truly, sincerely and forever,
comma,
Gabby
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| This could be me, Jeff. |
Ps. I thought you should know we also wear the exact same glasses. Which was my entire initial reason for writing this post:
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